YGF's Christmas Survival Guide

DON'Ts - (these may be advised due to experience, but I won't admit to all of them)

- Get home at 6am and get woken up by little sister at 7am to open presents - recipe for disaster.

- Fall asleep twenty minutes after presents are opened on couch, in pyjamas, mouth wide open, snoring and being 'decorated' by younger sister with bits of wrapping paper and curling ribbon.

- Laugh while watching Grandma get totally wasted and fall backwards off her chair.

- Don't wear jeans or tight pants to Xmas lunch. Sweat pants allow for maximum greediness.

- Don't get drunk and 'accidently' tell your younger relatives that Santa isn't real. Whoa.

DO's

- Relationship-building
Is there any greater joy at this time of year than bashing a younger relative? Headlocks, Chinese burns, dead legs and horse bites are traditional crowd pleasers that can be pulled out at intervals.

- Magic
Play hide and seek with the kiddies, while they hide and you sit on the couch drinking beer. After a big meal they are very likely to fall asleep whilst waiting for you.

- Story telling
When the neighbours ask what you have been up to for the past year - Make up the most elaborate lie about how you just got released from a Bali jail for setting up an illegal casino.

- Gift-Giving
Buy EVERYONE a "Save Ferris" T-shirt. Tell gran it's about charity or some shit. She'll luv it.

- Get smashed!

- Get your Xmas Bonus. Buy yourself a Xmas present and then give the rest to someone that needs it more. It feels good. I promise.


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Of course I didn't mean all of that!!! I Love Christmas and my family are awesome so it is never a hard task.
But I do recommend the Hide & Seek trick. It's fucking priceless!!!

I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas and a safe New Year.
I'm on a 2 week vacation as of today. Hooray!!!

Enjoy yourselves and party hard!

Drunk girl falls in toilet

Do I detect an Aussie accent?! It wouldn't surprise me!

Please spare a thought...

This past week has finally brought the beginning of another Australian summer.

With it brings the introduction of my pasty white legs to the world!
And for us downunder, it also brings the beginning of bushfire season.




This is a satellite image of my state. We are experiencing a raging 200,000 hectare bushfire.
And yesterday was the hottest December day in 50 odd years (43 degrees celcius - 109 F), with squaling winds and a smoky haze. Unfortunetley, it doesn't seem to be improving and this fire is just the beginning of many many more to come.

So please spare a thought for the firefighters - some of which needed to be flown in from New Zealand.
Even more so, please spare a thought for the thousands of animals. The kangas, koalas, the sheep, cows and even some domestic animals that had no where to go as they saw the fire approaching. Spare a thought for the farmers, who had no other choice than to leave their animals behind, opening the paddock gates and hoping for the best.



Thanks to the U.S for lending us Elvis (water chopper) once again.

Furniture Porn

http://www.furnitureporn.com/roofsex.html
Go here!!!

Hilarious. Who wants to be my sofa!?!?

John So... He's our bro

Melbourne's Lord Mayor, John So has just been voted the World's Favourite Mayor

What a crack up.

Let me tell you a little about Mr So...

John So can hardly speak English. Instead he speak "Ingrish". Whenever he makes a speech, it sounds like a long winded vomit. It just doesn't make sense. But goddamit, it's funny.

John So is our favourite banana. A term that is not considered racist and used quite affectionately here.

John So has a cult status here. During the Commonwealth Games ceremonies, whenever the speaker addressed the Lord Mayer an amazing roar would erupt from the crowd. You would think Pamela Anderson was on stage taking her clothes off and Freddy Mercury had come back from the dead to play a farewell concert. The Queen of England was reportedly furious. Because, well... no-one gives a fuck about her...

John So wholeheartedly supports the Big Day Out. When he was on stage during last year's festival the 18-30 year old crowd were cheering and stamping their feet. Almost causing a riot. No shit.

John So, has his own song - written and produced by a Melbourne rap group - a tongue in cheek display of affection for the Mayor. It's called: "John So, he's our bro".

John So has his own birthday website. When it was his birthday this year, a website was set up for people to send their well wishes through a forum.

Confused and think this is all fucking weird?!?!

Well, me too.


Links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_So

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Day_Out