Testing 1, 2, 3
Friday 9:23am
Doctor's Office - Pathology
"Ok Miss, we are ready for you" said the nurse with the heavy Spanish accent.
I'm frozen to my chair. I feel heavy. A dead weight.
I smile at her and force myself to move.
"I fucking hate needles"... I say to myself, as I nervously approach the big chair.
"I'm Madge... and you are?" says the Spanish lady.
"Emma" I force out, staring at the tiled floor.
I give her my form and she stares blankly at the Doctor's handwriting.
"Ummmmm, do you know what these requests are for?" she asks.
"How would I know lady?!"... I wince at my sudden rudeness and apologise.
"I found a lump in my neck, something about lymph nodes or some crap" I say and repeat my apology.
"Oh, so cancer screening?" she prompts...
"Yes, I suppose".. my speedy heart, sweaty palms and lump in my throat allow me nothing more, than those pathetic three words.
She prepares my right arm and jabs me.
"Ok, now relax and don't move", she says both sweetly and sternly.
I keep my eye on the smiley face stickers, the phone number list, the sink... anything on the opposite side of the room to my arm.
"Are you feeling ok?" she asks, as I'm counting the seconds.
"Yeah fine, why?" I lie.
"It's just that... um... nothing is coming" she whispers hesitantly, sensing my discomfort.
I keep my eyes away and stay quiet. I don't want to panic. But I don't know what to say. I'm breathing. My heart is definetly beating. I'm sure there is some blood in there.
She alters her position on her stool and says "Wiggle you legs a little... keep sqeezing the ball, it's ok relax..."
I feel far from relaxed. I have a fucking lump in my neck and no blood. I'm an alien. Or I really am sick. One of the two.
"It's very cold out today", she says "You circulation is suffering" she lies.
I cringe. I hated this woman. Even though she seemed lovely and didn't deserve my disdain. I hated her at that moment.
8 minutes and a few drips later, she said "It's coming now, don't worry, it's just a little stubborn" she laughed. "But not really that normal" she's still laughing.
Ha fucking ha lady.
You should win a prize for being so fucking hilarous.
I finally have confirmation that I'm not normal.
She should get another fucking prize for being so smart!
Stay tuned to find out if I'm an alien or not.
posted by Your Girl Friday @ 4:13 PM
3 Comments:
Well, if she were a competent phlebotomist, and had hit a vein instead of missing everything, blood would have come out. I too dread needles, and am always grateful to read the shitty medical posters that I have memorized every word to in the last hundred thousand or so blood draws, rather than so much as glance at what the needle is doing, or what is coming out of it...
I feel kinda woozy, gonna go lay down.
Heh, I've actually passed out during a blood test. Once when it wasn't even MY blood test. I'm sorry you had to deal with and am anxiously awaiting some good news from you.
oooh, needles are the worst! Next time ask them how many veins they've actually hit before you let them stick you. lol Hope to hear good news soon. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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