Frank/Fred/George The Lollipop Man

I live near a billion private schools. This makes getting to work a hassle. Most days it takes double the amount of time that it should. It drives me nutty.

But there are a few people on the way that make it a little more bearable.

Mick - My first pitstop is Mick. I buy my newspaper from him every morning. A wonderfully cheerful smile always greats me at the counter and after I say "good morning, how's it going today?" he always... ALWAYS gives me way too much info. Ya know, his wife is a ball breaker, he has a hernia, piles, sore back, needs his prostate checked, whatever. I cringe. He laughs. Then it's "Seeya tomorrow sugar" and off I go.

Mario Jnr - After my usually grueling tram ride to the train station, I get to see Mario for my morning coffee. From what I can gather, the original Mario has long since passed and his son Mario Jnr has taken over the business. Mario has a double espresso waiting for me every morning and always notices when I'm wearing something new. We always have a friendly banter going on, where I will make fun of his hair style and he will tell me my new cute boots look like something a stripper would wear. Then it's off I go again.

Mary - Is the homeless (or just incredibly dirty) woman who sits at the entrance to the train station drinking an iced coffee and doing a cross word puzzle every morning. I always smile and wave as I scoot past to get my train which is most usually early/late/cancelled. But I run in my cute stripper boots anyway.

Then there is Frank/Fred/George. I left him til last because Frank/Fred/George does not like me. Or he thinks I'm an idiot. Probably both. I see him in between Mick and Mario. He is the lollipop man who mans the crosswalk outside the newsagency. He always blows that fucking whistle too loud and when I'm hungover it makes me want to strangle him.
Anyhoo, every morning I smile and say, "Morning George!! (or Fred or Frank) as I like to make up names for people I don't know. I smile and wave. He just stares at me. STares at me like my grand father used to when I brought home yet another failed relationship to Christmas dinner. STARES AT ME! And then shakes his head at me as I go past! Its devastating!

If you are out there Frank/Fred/George - Why oh why do you hate me so!!! Say hello back!!! I neeeeed your acceptance!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Chick shit - Boys beware

The YGF/Super Fiance Story

Many many moons ago, I stumbled across The Oral Report, not long after creating Sweet Nothings.
I left a few silly comments, trying to sound funny and cool - knowing that my writing talent (or severe lack there of) would never compare to that of the author's. Back then she was known as Super Girlfriend and to my surprise the next day I had a comment on my blog from her! Thus began a cyber friendship that I have held close to my heart.

Super G always had something comforting and intelligent to say when I was rambling on about what really accounts to - sweet fuck all.
Whenever I felt troubled or sad, I imagined how cool it would be if I could move to Kentucky and live in the apartment across the hall so she could take care of me and I could eat her leftovers.

I listened intently to the troubles in her life and offered as much advice as I could, from so so far away.

A while ago a post on her blog told us that she was engaged to her long time partner Highlander!!!
Thus she became the Super Fiance!

On Saturday she will finally become Super Wifey!! An event that I am devasted I cannot attend. Stupid oceans between us!!

Please join me in congratulating and sending the very best wishes to the Super Fiance/Highlander squad!!!!
And although I can't be there in person, just imagine me - the drunk one up the back, flirting with the band, (or the hunky best man!)

Happy Easter

I am not a religous person.... so Easter means nothing to me apart from 4 days off (whoopee!), hot cross buns and chocolate.

Regardless, I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter.

4 days off!!!
Sleep is my number 1 priority.

Here are some other things I will be doing:


Relaxing. Doing nothing is a brilliant choice for ultimate relaxation. I will be doing nothing... a lot.


Perve-a-thon.
Casino Royale on DVD. Be still my beating heart. Now I can perve in private.


One of my "All time Top 5" films - playing at the outdoor rooftop cinema. Nice.


Blonde Ambition - Visiting the Marilyn Monroe photo exhibition. By myself, because no-one wants to go with me!


Writing an essay - only cos I have to if I want to get my degree.

And hopefully that is all.
What are you guys doing?!

YGF x

Naughty but nice

On Saturday night, after a few too many drinks, I ended up at the strip club with the boys.

Believe it or not, this was my first visit to an establishment of this kind.

Apart from feeling extremely priveledged to be invited along... I was completley in awe.

I didn't realise that some strippers were so HOT!

I didn't realise that women patrons drink for FREE!

And the best thing about it was, the guys don't try to hook up with you because... well... they clearly have much better things to do!!

I was bought a lap dance. It was great.

The lesson learned was: Even if you aren't that attracted to girls, when one of them shakes their boobies in your face, you can't help but want to touch them!

THE END