Don't listen to this crap... it's crap... ok?

WANTED...

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 06:06:00 +0000

So it's only a few weeks before J jets off to places unknown do only god knows what.
Although I am desperatley unhappy about the whole situation, I am trying (really really hard) to:

1. Not to let the bastard see it
2. Get on with life
3. Make the most of what could be an exciting change

First things first = a new flatmate to cover half the rent.

I thought this would be the easiest part.

I can only laugh out loud.

Is it too hard to ask for a housemate that:

1. Speaks English. (Now, I am not discriminating here, communication is vital!)
2. Does not have to foulest smelling body odour in the history of the world.
3. Is not a member of the police force.
4. Is not a party animal nor party pooper. (A healthy medium will be nice)
5. Cleans up after themselves and enjoys cleaning the shower (my most loathed household task)
6. Most importantly is well mannered and kind hearted.

Surely there is SOMEONE out there who fits the bill!!

Oh lord, won't you send me a saviour!

The reasons why I have been MIA

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:41:00 +0000

1. An unhealthy addiction to Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=681395600

2. A serious health scare. Involving MRI, CT Scans and generally being poked and prodded every which way.
I have a swollen lymph node. If you know anything about the human body, you will know that that could spell something VERY serious, or perhaps nothing at all. They have ruled out anything TOO scary, like the C WORD... but they are still looking.

3. Day dreaming about my trip to US and Canada in March 08. If only I could win Powerball. And then wondering why I never win. Then buying another ticket. And so on.

4. My family are crazy mo fos. Family issues suck. But all is on the mend.

5. Three funerals in the past two months. No-one I was particularly close to, but trying to be a good friend/daughter/grand-daughter/cousin/sister is very draining and totally time consuming!

6. Laziness.

But do not worry, Mumma still loves you all.

P.S - I will be mostly on the west coast during my trip in March (on the way to Vancouver) But will endeavour to make it closer to y'all. I will pretty much travel anywhere I can get free accommodation. Hint hint. Depending on the bank account of course!

PPS. Messages entailing how much you missed me and adore me are completley welcome. Haha

YGF xx

Beware....

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 07:10:00 +0000

I've just booked a ticket to the US.

Details soon!

Countdown to Singledom

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 06:31:00 +0000

So J is leaving to go OS indefinetly in about 3 months.

He is looking for work in the UK and wants to travel Europe.

It's strange to have a time limit on your relationship.

Everything will change.

Things will be different. I'll be different.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 05:06:00 +0000

What do Australian men use for contraception?
Their personalities!!

HAHAHAHAHA!

It's funny cos it's true!!!

The fucker's rich

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 04:36:00 +0000

See that annoying little smirk on his face?
Do you know why he is so happy?
He just turned 18 and got $47 million out of his trust fund for being Harry Potter.
Just for being lucky enough to look like a fictional character some pommy bitch made up in her head.

What a lucky bastard.

I'm not jealous or anything. Swear.

Frilly Knickers

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:30:00 +0000

It's fucking freezing.
By far the coldest winter of my life.
It seems to be dragging on. Everyone is in a depressive funk.
No motivation. No energy.
I wake up in the dark and get home from work in the dark.
It's a bore.

So to help cheer me up, I went on my yearly winter splurge on frilly/racey/lacey/completley slutty, dirty knickers.
Why you ask? Shouldn't you be buying thermals?
Well, yes. Really.
But you see, I buy the size IM SUPPOSED TO BE, to aid in motivation to lose my winter coat.
Which this year totals 3.5 kilos! (7ish pounds)
I have never put on this much weight over winter. At the moment, I don't really give a shit.
But when bikini season approaches. I will. A great deal.

So I'm hoping the slutty knickers that now make me look like a strung ham will aid in the "winter's nearly over, get your ass up off the coach, stop eating SO much comfort food and stop drinking copius amounts of red wine/scotch/bourbon/vodka/bacardi - fitness regime!"

Wish me luck!!

Me as a kid.

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:26:00 +0000

I would spend hours tottering around the back yard in my gum boots and rain coat. I loved climbing trees. And playing coppers and robbers. While the other kids went home to their Mum's covered in dirt and mud, I managed to do everything they did, but stay effortlessly clean. She loved that.

I loved roller skating and dancing.

I was pretty violent and always stood up for myself. If any of the boys around the neighbourhood would tease me, I would punch them in the face.

Two boys in our neighbourhood had a mother who was crazy. Like, totally mad. She used to let her sons run around the park naked. Completley starkers. I saw their willies and ran home to my Mum crying. Completley terrified by these funny looking things things blowing in the breeze.

My favourite movies were the Wizard of Oz, Willy Wonka, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, The Labyrinth, Neverending Story, Back to the Future, Annie and The Land Before Time.

ET scared the shit out of me.

I used to sneak into the hallway after my bed time - where you could see the TV. I used to think it was so cool, because Mum never caught me out and I could watch the "grown up shows". One night "It" was on. I had nightmares for weeks and never snuck into the hallway after my bed time, ever again.

My fave TV Shows were Punky Brewster, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Roger Ramjet, The Jetsons, Care Bears, Captain Planet, Full House and Saved by the Bell.

When I grew up I wanted to be an astronaut, a professional ballerina or Punky Brewster.

Among my most cherished possessions where Warren my Cabbage Patch Kid, my Bubblegum sneakers and my pink fluro slinky that never once got tangled.

My dog Sheba (a black lab) was my best friend. She went everywhere with me. I absolutely adored her. Some boys threw rocks at her one day. I chased them down on my pink bike and threw rocks back at them. Little fuckers.

I would often catch Praying Mantis' and keep them in an old Vegemite jar with holes in the lid. I would name them Bruce or Cindy and become so attached that when Mum forced me to let them go I would cry and cry and cry and wait on the back porch for them to come back.

I read almost all of the Baby Sitter's Club and Nancy Drew series.

I desperatley wanted a Super Nintendo but never got one. Until I bought one for 5 dollars at a garage sale about 4 years ago. I still dust it off and clock Super Mario every now and then!

Like most kids I never wanted to eat my vegetables which would result in many a screaming match with my mother. She wouldn't allow me to have dessert but didn't know about the secret lolly stash I had in my room.

I was very adventurous and fiercely independent (apparently I used to try and change my own nappies!!) and would wander off on my Mum almost daily. She would always threaten to leave me in the car when she went shopping, but she never did.

Mum used to have to be at work by 6:30-7am. I would always wake up to the smell of toast and coffee and the sound of the shower running. I would drag myself out of bed and sneak into the bathroom and wrap myself up in the clothes she had carefully laid out (to wear to work) and go back to sleep. She hated that.

Testing 1, 2, 3

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 06:13:00 +0000

Friday 9:23am
Doctor's Office - Pathology

"Ok Miss, we are ready for you" said the nurse with the heavy Spanish accent.
I'm frozen to my chair. I feel heavy. A dead weight.
I smile at her and force myself to move.

"I fucking hate needles"... I say to myself, as I nervously approach the big chair.

"I'm Madge... and you are?" says the Spanish lady.
"Emma" I force out, staring at the tiled floor.
I give her my form and she stares blankly at the Doctor's handwriting.
"Ummmmm, do you know what these requests are for?" she asks.
"How would I know lady?!"... I wince at my sudden rudeness and apologise.
"I found a lump in my neck, something about lymph nodes or some crap" I say and repeat my apology.
"Oh, so cancer screening?" she prompts...
"Yes, I suppose".. my speedy heart, sweaty palms and lump in my throat allow me nothing more, than those pathetic three words.

She prepares my right arm and jabs me.
"Ok, now relax and don't move", she says both sweetly and sternly.
I keep my eye on the smiley face stickers, the phone number list, the sink... anything on the opposite side of the room to my arm.

"Are you feeling ok?" she asks, as I'm counting the seconds.
"Yeah fine, why?" I lie.
"It's just that... um... nothing is coming" she whispers hesitantly, sensing my discomfort.
I keep my eyes away and stay quiet. I don't want to panic. But I don't know what to say. I'm breathing. My heart is definetly beating. I'm sure there is some blood in there.
She alters her position on her stool and says "Wiggle you legs a little... keep sqeezing the ball, it's ok relax..."
I feel far from relaxed. I have a fucking lump in my neck and no blood. I'm an alien. Or I really am sick. One of the two.

"It's very cold out today", she says "You circulation is suffering" she lies.
I cringe. I hated this woman. Even though she seemed lovely and didn't deserve my disdain. I hated her at that moment.

8 minutes and a few drips later, she said "It's coming now, don't worry, it's just a little stubborn" she laughed. "But not really that normal" she's still laughing.

Ha fucking ha lady.
You should win a prize for being so fucking hilarous.

I finally have confirmation that I'm not normal.

She should get another fucking prize for being so smart!

Stay tuned to find out if I'm an alien or not.

The Big Poo

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 02:48:00 +0000

Mark Philipousis.

Australian.

Tennis Player - who used to be border-line good, but sucks the majority of the time.

Womaniser.

Fuck-tard.

The scud, the poo, the big poo, whatever your nickname is for him - he is a fucking wanker.

It took me a long time to come to this conclusion and even longer to admit it.

Do you know why?

I used to be completley and utterly in love with him.
When I was 13, he was my future husband. I asked him to marry me once, I was in a crowd of thousands at the Australian Open. He must not have heard me. Cos I'm sure he would have said yes. Haha.

Strike 1 - He can't win a match to save his life. Aussies suck at tennis. He was a good hope. Then he was fucking hopeless.

Strike 2 - He fucked Paris Hilton and Tara Reid. I mean, geez dude. You could stick it to anyone and you choose to fuck the worlds biggest whores. I'm sure it was like throwing a sausage down a hallway. Good work.

Strike 3 - This "The Bachelor" style reality TV show, set in the US. How could you? You are a fucking idiot. Everyone thinks so. The ratings agree.

All I can say is, even those you lost the Wimbledon hopes of a nation, you have now lost the respect of a nation. Not that you had much.

I can safely say that next time you set foot in this country, someone will egg/fruit/bash the living fuck out of you.

Cheers.

Here's something...

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 03:38:00 +0000

... to keep you occupied whilst I'm pulling my hair out.

http://www.myspace.com/emmy_loo08

Add me, comment me, love me. I love the attention.

YGF x

quietville

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 02:57:00 +0000

It's been deathly quiet here for a few reasons...

1) I had 8000 words worth of assignments due all on the same day. Which made for funloving, happy YGF to turn into: clawing the walls, grumpy, hermit YGF. But it's over now. Phew.

2) My boss' wife just passed away. She worked with us too. In early March she was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor, which was inoperable but treatable.
The treatment did not work and she passed away this morning. She was only in her 50's. It's scary how quick it was.
Being his PA, I have had the most incredibly draining 3 months.

3) Due to this draining, sad and exhausting feeling I have been keeping to myself. I haven't checked my emails. I lost my cell phone last week and haven't even bothered to do anything about it.

But I'll be back soon.

10 F's

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 30 May 2007 03:09:00 +0000

The ever delightful Miss SLACK has given me the letter F to write 10 things about...
So here goes...

Flamingo - I have nver seen one in the flesh. They must be pretty cool.
Friday - My favourite week day...always seems so far away.
Fantods - A state of nervous irritability. My new favourite word. Instead of saying I have a case of the willies, I have a case of the FANTODS!!! Who makes this shit up?!
Fuck - A word I use entirely too often. But I'm working on it.
Farting - Is disgusting. The sound is funny.
Feta Cheese - Is soooo good.
Flannel Pyjamas - One of the best things about winter.
Food fights - Why?!?! I just don't get it!
Faith - As George Michael said: You gotta have some. Have faith in yourself.

Yay! I did it!
If you guys want to do one, ask me or CASUAL SLACK to assign you the letter.

It's finda fun!

Crushing on you....

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 16 May 2007 23:31:00 +0000

Lately I have been thinkin a lot about crushes.

I wonder how innocent, dangerous or just plain ridiculous they really are...

I have certainly had my fair share of crushes.
Celebrity, online, people I have met, people I haven't, characters from movies/tv shows - you name it, I crush on it. For reasons like being ridulously good looking, being mysteriously bad, or in most cases being simply and completley unavailable to me.

When I was much much younger, all the girls from school wanted to marry Keanu Reeves.
Meanwhile, I had a secret crush on Batman.
Dark, brooding, mysterious, hot, dangerous and protective. What more could you want?!

During my teens the mysterious charm of the bad boy sterotype had me weak at the knees, whether it be Johnny Depp, the guy who lived across the street who drove a motorbike or that young drama teacher who wore a leather jacket and smelled like grease.

I still like them bad. Even though almost all of them have broken my heart.
I still enjoy the mystery.
And lately I have been crushing on a guy that I met through friends possibly 1 year ago.

He has done nothing to deserve this.
I don't think we have even had a proper conversation.
He just sits quietly at the end of the table, only speaking when he has something intelligent or funny to say.
Sits there looking hot. Just out of my reach. While I have the most inappropriate impure thoughts about him throwing me down and having his dirty bad way with me.
He remains a mystery. I simply can not have him. And it drives me crazy.

This crush of course, has not gone past those impure thoughts and a fluttering heart when I see him with my friend.

And then I go home to J, like my heart didn't skip a beat for someone else.

A crush. That's all it is. Innocent right?!? Or am I sinking low into a downward spiral to adultery?!

Hmm..

I have a confession...

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 16 May 2007 01:30:00 +0000

Which may lose me a lot of buddies...

But...

I totally loved the Gilmore Girls!

And am so shitty they axed it.

There I said it... my guilty pleasure, out in the open.

I'm not sure why it appealed to me, probably the quick witted pop culture references. It made me laugh out loud at times.

I feel so dirty...

Ode to Hangover Cures

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Fri, 04 May 2007 00:12:00 +0000

After rocking up to work feeling and looking like utter shit, due to yet another mid week binge to in the hope numb the pain that is the working week. (Thank god it's almost over) I have a few thank yous for a few life saviours...

Thirst quenching, hydrating liquid gold. Thank you Blue Powerade. I love you.

As the slogan goes: "Berocca gives you back your B B Bounce!" Thank you Berocca. You are a freaking miracle.

Grease! You made me late for work, but you were worth it! Thank you. I love you.

The old fashioned kick start. Where would I be without you???

Kill that horrid pain in my head, you gorgeous little things...

Top it off with a Red Bull mid afternoon and I will be sweet.

Thank you thank you!! All of you!!!

I'm busy!

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Tue, 01 May 2007 07:07:00 +0000

Not that anyone noticed... but I am!

Thought I would touch base for a quick hit of what has been going on.

- I finally got sucked into My Space. What can I say, I felt left out! If you have not yet succumbed to the pressure and sold your soul to the My Space devil, I suggest DON'T DO IT!! It is extremely addictive... and people can find you. Long lost loves included, which can be highly embarassing.

- I started up a little business at home. I have been doing odd jobs here and there for people (mostly secretarial and event work) for ages. I thought, might as well see where it takes me. I WOULD love love love, (more than gravy) the ability to work from home full time. So we will see.....

- The above and yet another ginormous uni assignment makes me very busy. And dull and boring. But still darn cute and happy.

So there!

Frank/Fred/George The Lollipop Man

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 23:15:00 +0000

I live near a billion private schools. This makes getting to work a hassle. Most days it takes double the amount of time that it should. It drives me nutty.

But there are a few people on the way that make it a little more bearable.

Mick - My first pitstop is Mick. I buy my newspaper from him every morning. A wonderfully cheerful smile always greats me at the counter and after I say "good morning, how's it going today?" he always... ALWAYS gives me way too much info. Ya know, his wife is a ball breaker, he has a hernia, piles, sore back, needs his prostate checked, whatever. I cringe. He laughs. Then it's "Seeya tomorrow sugar" and off I go.

Mario Jnr - After my usually grueling tram ride to the train station, I get to see Mario for my morning coffee. From what I can gather, the original Mario has long since passed and his son Mario Jnr has taken over the business. Mario has a double espresso waiting for me every morning and always notices when I'm wearing something new. We always have a friendly banter going on, where I will make fun of his hair style and he will tell me my new cute boots look like something a stripper would wear. Then it's off I go again.

Mary - Is the homeless (or just incredibly dirty) woman who sits at the entrance to the train station drinking an iced coffee and doing a cross word puzzle every morning. I always smile and wave as I scoot past to get my train which is most usually early/late/cancelled. But I run in my cute stripper boots anyway.

Then there is Frank/Fred/George. I left him til last because Frank/Fred/George does not like me. Or he thinks I'm an idiot. Probably both. I see him in between Mick and Mario. He is the lollipop man who mans the crosswalk outside the newsagency. He always blows that fucking whistle too loud and when I'm hungover it makes me want to strangle him.
Anyhoo, every morning I smile and say, "Morning George!! (or Fred or Frank) as I like to make up names for people I don't know. I smile and wave. He just stares at me. STares at me like my grand father used to when I brought home yet another failed relationship to Christmas dinner. STARES AT ME! And then shakes his head at me as I go past! Its devastating!

If you are out there Frank/Fred/George - Why oh why do you hate me so!!! Say hello back!!! I neeeeed your acceptance!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Chick shit - Boys beware

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 05:05:00 +0000

The YGF/Super Fiance Story

Many many moons ago, I stumbled across The Oral Report, not long after creating Sweet Nothings.
I left a few silly comments, trying to sound funny and cool - knowing that my writing talent (or severe lack there of) would never compare to that of the author's. Back then she was known as Super Girlfriend and to my surprise the next day I had a comment on my blog from her! Thus began a cyber friendship that I have held close to my heart.

Super G always had something comforting and intelligent to say when I was rambling on about what really accounts to - sweet fuck all.
Whenever I felt troubled or sad, I imagined how cool it would be if I could move to Kentucky and live in the apartment across the hall so she could take care of me and I could eat her leftovers.

I listened intently to the troubles in her life and offered as much advice as I could, from so so far away.

A while ago a post on her blog told us that she was engaged to her long time partner Highlander!!!
Thus she became the Super Fiance!

On Saturday she will finally become Super Wifey!! An event that I am devasted I cannot attend. Stupid oceans between us!!

Please join me in congratulating and sending the very best wishes to the Super Fiance/Highlander squad!!!!
And although I can't be there in person, just imagine me - the drunk one up the back, flirting with the band, (or the hunky best man!)

Happy Easter

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 00:11:00 +0000

I am not a religous person.... so Easter means nothing to me apart from 4 days off (whoopee!), hot cross buns and chocolate.

Regardless, I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter.

4 days off!!!
Sleep is my number 1 priority.

Here are some other things I will be doing:

Relaxing. Doing nothing is a brilliant choice for ultimate relaxation. I will be doing nothing... a lot.

Perve-a-thon.
Casino Royale on DVD. Be still my beating heart. Now I can perve in private.

One of my "All time Top 5" films - playing at the outdoor rooftop cinema. Nice.

Blonde Ambition - Visiting the Marilyn Monroe photo exhibition. By myself, because no-one wants to go with me!

Writing an essay - only cos I have to if I want to get my degree.

And hopefully that is all.
What are you guys doing?!

YGF x

Naughty but nice

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 23:34:00 +0000

On Saturday night, after a few too many drinks, I ended up at the strip club with the boys.

Believe it or not, this was my first visit to an establishment of this kind.

Apart from feeling extremely priveledged to be invited along... I was completley in awe.

I didn't realise that some strippers were so HOT!

I didn't realise that women patrons drink for FREE!

And the best thing about it was, the guys don't try to hook up with you because... well... they clearly have much better things to do!!

I was bought a lap dance. It was great.

The lesson learned was: Even if you aren't that attracted to girls, when one of them shakes their boobies in your face, you can't help but want to touch them!

THE END

Broke

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 05:32:00 +0000

Today for lunch I had Baked Beans in a coffee cup.

How pathetic is that...

Bring on pay day!

Brothers & Sisters

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 01:26:00 +0000

YGF: "Morning sis, you sleep well?"
Sis: "Fuck off"

My little sister is a ball of teenage angst.

YGF: "Wanna come and stay at my place over the weekend?"
Sis: "Why would I want to do that?"
YGF: "Well.... cos.... we could hang out in the city... and ya know... do stuff together"
Sis: "No thanks"

My sister hates me.

YGF: "Don't you think that guy from Lost is pretty hot!... Man, I want to have his babies"
Sis: "You are an idiot"

I wasn't trying to be...

YGF: "Wanna play cards??"
Sis: "You are SO old!"

Fuck. I can't win.
I wonder if this is just repressed hateful feelings to the physical and mental abuse I put her through growing up.
Maybe she is just a fucking teenager.

Whatever it is, I miss being the coolest person in her world.

At least my bro still loves me.

YGF: "Wanna play footy??"
Little Bro: "Yes!!!!!!"

YGF: "Do you like your dinner?"
Little Bro: "Yeah, you are a great cook"

YGF: "Wanna play playstation?"
Little Bro: "Yes!!!"
YGF: " Will you let me win???"
Little bro: "Of course"

My little bro is the sweetest kid in the world. On Sunday, I was sitting on the couch and complained that my feet were cold. WIthout a word, he disappears and comes back with a pair of his thickest socks and his blanket. He sleeps on the couch when I go and stay at Mum's so I can have his bed. He cooks me breakfast in bed in the mornings. My sister just sits there and scowls at us.

Go and see this...

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 05:15:00 +0000

You won't regret it. Do it now. Do it for the children...

Perhaps it is a good idea to watch "Shaun of the Dead" first. It may be even funnier. I can't decide.

The best thing about having a cold....

noreply@blogger.com (Your Girl Friday) — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 04:59:00 +0000

Is Cold & Flu tablets get me HIGH!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ok, so I'm a cheap shout...